Feng, C'est Moi

You Are Love

2012-01-14T13:33:00.003+08:00

A very well-known lyrics goes "To be loved is happiness, to love is bitterness." I thought it made much sense, until recently I realized happiness could not be measured this way. To lose or to gain can be a factor deciding your emotion, but never the key deciding whether you lead a good life, or whether you manage the personal life well. Love is of seriousness but not nervousness or tension. You don't become determined for anyone or on any purpose, but by learning. When you know how hard and how precious two people are willing to know each other further and further, you don't loose your hand that easily. You know you will have more fun just by saying "I quit." but eventually you turn out to be where you started it. For this reason, you are serious. You are Love. You may still be afraid of being hurt or hurting others. But you believe certainly that you are on the right track. You are closer than ever to a moment everyone is looking for in their lives.

There's No Tomorrow

2011-10-11T21:41:00.002+08:00

Looking for you, and escaping from the pain missing you are the only two thing I do in the city. They are important. If I die young, I don't want to be a stranger you know who has not make it happen, who lose everything we could possibly have. They are urgent. I feel sad or even guilty when your face is fading and I can hardly recall the touch of your left hand. I am scared, that I cannot recognize you on a sight in the street. You might think I didn't take you serious. This would be so wrong. I can't let it happen. I will take any actions to be by your side and put my arms around you so that I'll never miss you again. I will do everything as I will die tomorrow.

What's Next

2011-09-25T17:08:00.001+08:00

Yesterday evening was fantastic. I went to a cafe I knew well to meet a friend and have a dinner with. I bumped into some old friends and made new ones. It's always to my pleasure to see my old friends. I miss them much. No offense to the new friends I have, it is I that need more time to get used to people and feel easy hanging out with them. I relax myself talking to them better than talking to myself. I am stressed being alone. However I assume it a destiny to bear solitary in my life, so as to make great work, or to achieve what I long for without a cause. Let's why I give myself back to loneliness. The guilty feeling stops me from acquiring the sweetness of doing nothing. I have the fear that the joy I put down will go away when I want to take it up again. I want it to stay but I cannot say since it is against my belief. I have to see what is coming next. I cannot choose, can't I? I destroy what I have because I would worried that happens if I don't.

The Light In the City

2011-09-13T23:41:00.003+08:00

Dark, so dark in the city. I cannot see any faces but I see their feet. They are walking around me, through me. Not a thing can I recognize. I cannot see your face. I see only my fear, the fear of dark. All of a sudden, I recognize your face without seeing, like blindsight - but can I? I know it is you. I see you with my own eyes without the help of light. "You are the light." thought I. This could be the only explanation. But no no, this is way too wrong. Light is everywhere. Just open the eyes and let it in.

Everyone I Know Is Gone

2011-09-12T15:29:00.007+08:00

The idea of calling you comes into my mind ten times a day, my dear friend. I want to talk to someone and you are the only one I know wiling to answer my phone anytime. But I would be silly if I did every day (or even pathetic). I am searching for a word to describe where I am but always in vain. I want to talk to somebody. I spend the time with my family and I enjoy it much. I cherish every moment with them. Nothing replace the happiness with the loved ones. But I need to talk to someone, anyone. Nothing has changed in the city. No one has changed. I thought I was different, but I was not changed either. What frightens me is that, what I want is changed. I thought my friends left the city but that is not true. Everyone is here but everyone I know is gone. How did I survive the old days is beyond me. How do I survive the following days and months? It's hard to admit it but I think what I feel now is loneliness.

Taipei Lonely

2011-08-30T22:26:00.001+08:00

Dear Alex, I could never imagine this moment coming, when I feel lonely in Taipei more than in Munich. Now I see my family every evening and spend the time with them. This is new to me, maybe since seven years old. I had tons of friends in college, but now I look at the pictures in which I can't find myself on facebook. Some stay in contact with me but live in other cities. Some are not so excited as I am when seeing each other. I can't help wondering: what is left for me after my graduation, my military duty, and my five-week vacation? I start missing people in Germany, in Singapore, even in Korea and imagine their lives. More than that, imagine a life that any of them were in Taipei. We would have dinner in the evening, do sports on the weekend, share funny things in our new jobs. It would be so fun like a movie. I keep thinking about the idea and almost cheat myself into ignorance of the impossibility. I have to face my new life here and work on it, making it better. And i can't call you this time when i get lost. Bussi, ifeng

The City of Ex-lovers

2011-08-07T01:25:00.001+08:00

A few days before I came to Vienna, I heard from some people about Vienna when I told them my plan. Interestingly, I heard more than once that they had had an lover from Vienna. The fact made vienna 'Scheisse', said one of them. Ex, whom you love and whom you hate, is someone in the memory yet never in the past. You must think of him/her once for a while. I don't have anyone in the city. The movie "Before Sunrise", which I watched with my ex, somehow linked us, everywhere in the city. I walked alone in the street but conversations never stop in my head. So weird, I have to say. Das ist aber keine Scheisse.

Big Brother

2011-08-07T01:23:00.001+08:00

"I am traveling alone in foreign countries, but this is the first time I feel loniess so far away from me, like an old term not used any more." I wrote down this on a train two days ago with confirm. Now I am sitting in Cafe Hawelka, doubting the statement. I just ordered a Melanger, and a special dessert called Buchteln, which is what I came for. I ordered it without an idea what the heck Buchteln was. It turned out to be a warm bread filled with blueberry jam. Five pieces, definitely too much for me. At this moment, a couple came in, sat right next to me, and ordered the same. One order, two people. One serve of Buchteln is enough for two. Just image how they spilt the last one...that made me feel so ALONE. Loniness was still absend, but somehow I felt watched by him. He must be somewhere around, waiting for a chance to kidnap me. If he succeeded, who would pay the ransom?

Untitled

2011-07-28T00:29:00.001+08:00

I've been thinking what things would be like if I didn't have came to the city alone. But here comes another question: whom I should come with? There are many ideal candidates in my mind (but none or them would come) but the point is if I really want to have a mate here. Being alone brings me many surprises, unfortunately as well as loniness. This explains much why I am doing this but not satisfied. Eventually I would not find a friend to come with me because I chose to be alone. It sucks, but I suck it.

Munich Dreaming

2011-07-28T00:28:00.001+08:00

"If my ex could disconect me, that is not a surprise when the bartender did that." The idea came into my mind when I was walking by Theresienwiese. What I had with him is just one night. He is not responsible for anything. (I really hate it when he said he would call me though) But if my ex is forgivable, there is no stand for me to loathe him like this. Even my mother understood my ex' last behavior. How can I punish a total stranger who has been nice to me? We had what we wanted...he can go whenever he likes, as he did, and he.

Travel with Strangers

2011-07-26T01:59:00.001+08:00

Without another arms, will i survive when the sun shines on me no more? Being alone is a way to stay away from the fights and rubbish and I have been enjoying it. I have always been lucky. I met other travellers, got help from total strangers, and flirted with a bartender. There is much fun I had and I wouldn't have had if I had not been alone. But what if those had not happened? Damn boring...so I wish for my good luck every day. I won't survive it without you, stranger.

Brothers

2011-07-26T01:48:00.001+08:00

Brothers, a relationship i should know well but actually i don't know anything about it. My older brother was a mentor in my life but now i took him as a patient as others so. My younger bro is a treasure which covers the lack in my childhood where the concept of family was a scandal. How lovely. But he won't be with me forever. Like every kid, he will soon find me another adult who never know his world.

Am I Traveling

2011-07-15T14:53:00.001+08:00

Am i traveling, or just drifting? Two years older, everything seems to be so different. The place, the same man, the same dos turn out a different attitude. I learned a lot last time, but can I copy my early success? Well I didn't thing I was successfully. I just did what I want, and things seem to be good to me afterwards. How about this time? Will what I do be helpful to me? I shouldn't have asked.

So Here I Am

2010-11-06T16:34:00.005+08:00

A self-narrative in Chinese written before my military service

Music - All The Lovers

2010-06-12T13:56:00.006+08:00

My cold words towards other's romantic relationships are actually out of my difficult romantic history. Somehow I believe every couple plays the same dramas, narrates the same lines, and ends the same. Then I hear a voice shouting:

"Drop the curtain!"

Maybe it was late, but I realized everyone has a chance to write his or her own script. What I have been through belongs to me only. I am not saying I am any different from others. On the contrary, I have no way to be a tragic heroine. The stage is open for everyone. I just wish to watch the curtain raising again.

Bless All The Lovers.

Click Here and Watch Official Music Video

All The Lovers
by Kylie Minogue
Dance
It's all I wanna do
So won't you
Dance
I'm standing here with you
Why won't you move
I'll get inside your groove
Cuz I'm on fire fire fire fire

It hurts
When you get too close
But baby it hurts
If love is really good
You just want more
Even if it throws you to the fire fire fire fire

All the lovers
That have gone before
They don't compare to you
Don't be running
Just give me a little bit more
They don't compare
All the lovers

Feel
Can't you see there's so much here to feel
Deep inside in your heart
You know I'm real
Can't you see that this is really higher higher higher higher

Breathe
I know you find it hard
But baby breathe
Lying next to me
Its all you need
And i'll take you there
I'll take you higher higher higher higher

All the lovers
That have gone before
They don't compare to you
Don't be running
Just give me a little bit more
They don't compare
All the lovers

Dance
It's all I wanna do
So won't you dance
I'm standing here with you
Why won't you move
Even if it throws you to the fire fire fire

All the lovers
That have gone before
They don't compare to you
Don't be running
Just give me a little bit more
They don't compare
All the lovers

Music - What Hurts the Most

2010-04-23T03:14:00.003+08:00

People are oblivious, some may say. Some things and some people last longer in the life nonetheless. Forgetting is much harder than I've expected. I used to wonder what all could have been but perhaps not any better. What was left was much more than my deep sadness. Perhaps it had turned out to be the best, since I was being so close to everything I wanted. The happiness went so far away from me. I thought I had lost them for good, but they lasted in the past. Having is gratification and knowing having embraced so much is bliss. Now I see the present and the future, in which I possess far more than I've hoped.

I saw you, but no, not today.

p.s. thanks to all members of the Bee Family :)

And special thanks to "the roommate's" true story

Click for a better quality version

What Hurts The Most

by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

Just A Word

2010-01-31T02:13:00.012+08:00

I've heard there is a thing in the world called 'love', but I've never seen it.

It happened that I was into some people ridiculously for a short period, but I would call it a 'crash'.

Some people said that they were in love with me, but I told them that they were in an 'obsession'.

I used to doubt whether I've ever loved anyone, but eventually I realized that 'love' was just a word . You can write it down in passionate lyrics or say it so loud to be heard in the whole universe. It is just a word, nevertheless. The essence can never be correctly or completely shown, expressed, or proofed through such a simple thing as a word. Then I know, once upon a time, I loved you so much.

Symphonie

2010-01-07T16:57:00.008+08:00

They are aboard. What they did the most was making phone calls. I remember the same days I had. I remember the last talk in flesh we had twelve hours before the plain. I remember the last sight of you when you got on the train. Well, I didn't expect them to be the last. I was too proud. I wish my friends the best, but how does it help? The story has been written long time ago. We are just turning the pages. Somehow I believe they will have a good story. Die Symphonie ist nicht für Alles.

(Click here and watch the offical video)

Symphonie / Silbermond
Sag mir was ist bloß um uns geschehn
Du scheinst mir auf einmal völlig fremd zu sein
Warum geht's mir nich mehr gut
Wenn ich in deinen Armen liege
Ist es egal geworden was mit uns passiert

Wo willst du hin ich kann dich kaum noch sehn
Unsre Eitelkeit stellt sich uns in den Weg
Wollten wir nich alles wagen haben wir uns vielleicht verraten
Ich hab geglaubt wir könnten echt alles ertragen

Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir stehn hier im Regen haben nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Denn es ist Zeit
Sich ein zu gestehn dass es nicht geht
Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden denn wenn's so regnet
Ist es besser aufzugeben

Und es verdichtet sich die Stille über uns
Ich versteh nich ein Wort mehr aus deinem Mund
Haben wir zu viel versucht warum konnten wir's nicht ahnen
Es wird nicht leicht sein das alles einzusehn

Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir stehn hier im Regen haben uns nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Denn es ist Zeit
Sich ein zu gestehn dass es nicht geht
Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden denn wenn's so regnet
Ist es besser aufzugeben

Irgendwo sind wir gescheitert
Und so wie's ist so geht's nich weiter
Das Ende ist schon lang geschrieben
Und das war unsre...

Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir stehn hier im Regen haben uns nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Denn es ist Zeit
Sich ein zu gestehn dass es nicht geht
Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden denn wenn's so regnet
Ist es besser aufzugeben

When Your Mind's Made Up

2009-11-23T01:15:00.009+08:00

Listening to the song, I cried a little for the stupid jerk. Once is enough. Tears should not appear again, but I am glad they did this time. It shows I am somehow not empty after the good-bye. Something stays, which connects me to the song and to the soul of guy.

When Your Mind's Made Up
by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

So
If you ever want something
And You call, you call
And I'll come running to fight
And I'll be at your door
And there's nothing worth running for

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to stop it

You see you're just like everyone
When you share your falls
All you want to do is run away
And hide all by yourself
When there's fall, there's fall
There's nothing else

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point even talkin'
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to fight it
When your mind, your mind

There's no point trying to change it
When your

So
If you ever want something
Then you call, call
Then I'll come running

Incapable of Love

2009-09-27T01:31:00.003+08:00

Monsieur grand's leaving from me is a vital, unrecoverable wound. It is not merely sadness about breaking up. A belief deep inside me is broken. As one of my best friends said about me "Madame Bovary is dead." but how can it possibly happend? I am Madame Bovary. If she is dead, how can I still be alive? I am so alive that it seems I've got over everything. I told myself that I was given a new life, but the past was there. It changed me, no way back. I can do sex, but can I fall in love as I did before? I please everyone and there is no goal. Since the split every step I took was meaningless.

Q & A

2009-07-22T20:34:00.004+08:00

"Are you in love with him or just having fun?"
"Well, I don't think I can love anyone in such a short time, and I've already told you that I am taken."
"It doesn't matter. Love comes when it comes."
"You are such an emotional man."
"No, I just know more about the reality."

"Why do you love him?"
"He is a very nice person."
"But you told me that he was not so sweet on the phone."
"No, but I know he really cares about me."
"How?"

"If you don't like him so much, you can...."
"Yes I do."

Music - Primavera In Anticipo

2009-07-14T22:19:00.006+08:00

A good song can accompany me through a long lonely time. Sitting in a McDonald's in the midnight, I was impressed with the voice I heard. It was deep in the dark night but shining as the flash on a cold blade. I believed I saw something, but not with my eyes. Did I breathe it in? Or did it fall at my feet? No no, no...it is just a song.

Primavera In Anticipo (It Is My Song)
by Laura Pausini & James Blunt

Per scontato non do
niente di quel che ho
neanche un minimo brivido, ora no

It's the air that I breathe
It's my fall at your feet
It is my song
I sing when you are gone

Confesso... sei la causa mia primaria
adesso in me
di tutto il buono che c'è

Ah-a-a-a lo so
sei la primavera in anticipo
ah-a-a-a la prova che
dimostra quale effetto hai su di me
perché...

All my hopes and my fears (my hopes and fears)
in this moment are clear
you are the one (the one)
my moon my star my sun

Per questo nei polmoni cambia l'aria
del resto sei... sei
sei tutto il buono che c'è

Ahahah lo so
questa primavera in anticipo
ahahah l'esempio che
dimostra quanto effetto hai su me

Fiori... che nascono dai rovi ah-a (ah-a)
qui fuori cicatrizzano... gli errori miei
ah-a-a-a ah-a-a-a
ah-a-a-a

Sei tu senz'alcun dubbio l'artefice
di questa primavera che c'è
in me... in me
qui fuori
ah-a-a-a... ah
nell'autoscatto di noi

The Other Side of the World

2009-06-20T03:05:00.005+08:00

2009 summer, Lake Geneva

Despite the stress and the sorrow of an adult I have, I really appreciate such a life I have. Three years have passed since my graduation from high school. Time flies, people say, but I am amazed when looking back how much has happened during the three years, the golden years. To my best friends, I show my heartly appreciation. I used to think that I live under dark clouds but, with you guys' company, I realized the sunshine is upon me, as it always does. And underneath the sunshine stand me and you. On the other side of the world, I still can see you through the similarity in my daily life, the views I saw, the sounds I heard, and the feeling I had...

Can you help me. Can you let me go.

And can you still love me, when you can't see me any more.

I am happy, and I will be back.

Sex in der City

2009-05-20T04:02:00.007+08:00

...well, I didn't have sex in Munich.

For the years, I always want to be someone else. Even though I am proud of what I have achieved and happy to be around with what is around me, I want to be another man. I will trade everything I own to experience the things I have never got a chance to touch. The desire, as you think, is dangerous. I used to see the lines in a far distance but I realized I could cross it with ease, just like an apple falling from the trees. And I am always attempting to do so. Oh, you think it wrong. It is not sex that I am talking about….

You should know that boredom is the most scaring thing in the world (there was a poem I read saying this when I was studying western literature). I push myself deeper into the darkness whenever the world makes me bored. I don’t think there is right or wrong between this. I am happy that I can see and feel another part of the world. It is an adventure, at risk sometimes. I just need to know how to stand on the edge and never fall from the wall.

Time passes. When I am waiting for the bus, killing the time with TV programs, or typing the damn post on my blog, the clock ticks and ticks. The youngness brings me privileges, but it is walking away from me day by day. I count the days I have, fewer and fewer. Youth, how charming it is.

The title of the post comes after the name of a porn shop in Nürnberg. If you are attracted by it, I am very sorry that sex is not the topic of this post, at least not literally. I am not so proud to talk about it.

One out of Three Hundred Sixty-Five

2008-11-21T00:15:00.012+08:00

I use fifty-three minutes recollecting your footsteps when walking on the side walk.
Thirty-seven minutes recalling your words when I am supposed to listen to the courses.
One hour and eleven minutes imagining you are sitting in the dinner table by my side.
Like a pedal in a season, how I miss you today is just one out of three hundred sixty-five.

Music - Angels

2008-11-05T00:26:00.005+08:00

I have been looking for the angels you talked about, but I still have no idea where they are. Are they in the lights from the farthest stars or in the black shell that no one see through? I know they are somewhere, but it's just not my time to see them because the love is not dead.

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When were grey and old
cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when Im lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
Im loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether Im right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
When I come to call she wont forsake me
Im loving angels instead

When Im feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know Ill always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
Im loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether Im right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
When I come to call she wont forsake me
Im loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether Im right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
When I come to call she wont forsake me
Im loving angels instead

Ridiculed

2008-10-14T20:47:00.005+08:00

At first I thought I was ridiculed by someone, but latter I realized it was the destiny that jeered at me. His absence triggered my tears. I thought I could get it through with other's company, but it showed me that I was alone, as I was all the time. The closer I get to someone, the less I feel confident or understood. For a few minutes, the idea reminds me the world of death. At least it is a place free to go to. I have paid a lot to get to the place I desired. There was a time I thought it was so close but I was completely wrong. If it has proved me in a wrong place, where am I after all? Where to go next?

Please Remember

2008-10-02T22:34:00.008+08:00

Please remember the rain makes the fools lie,
but can't stop a movie about lives.

The fireworks fade in the dark sky,
but last in someone's purest eyes.

Remember the bridge with the blue lights,
and the night without the moon white.

And please remember the setting sun is held in the hand tight,
and that the hearts of happiness will never age or die.

Arms

2008-08-22T01:20:00.006+08:00

What do I want? I don't really know. It could be a hand to hold, a cheek to touch, or a ear to whisper in. No matter what it is, I stay with my answer.

Mother

2008-08-10T02:01:00.003+08:00

I made this post to make me never forget what I heard today and to keep in mind my destiny given and chosen.

Tied

2008-08-09T17:11:00.003+08:00

I like the wind, the view, the fried oysters, and the purity in the cloudless eyes.

Priceless

2008-07-28T20:11:00.005+08:00

Dear Mr. Big,

The time we spent together was really great. I appreciate your company...about the last question you asked, I could not lie to you even when it was a bitter truth to tell. I wouldn't say a word to defend myself or to justify my faults. It was something I really have done and it didn't happen accidentally. It was my sin. But I should still let you see what behind the truth is - my agony. Every minute and every second, I wish was able to undo things in the past, but nothing will change for me. A mistake I have made is like an dark ink in the white paper that can never be erased. It was the unbearable heaviness of being. And at the moment you asked me the question, I only wish I could have been able to lie, but I would never do, not to you ,not to him, not to myself. I would not dare to do another wrong thing...yup, maybe I earn much money recently, but I have lost something priceless during the last ten months, l'amour. I believe you keep it well in your heart even after the split. You will find someone, but I deserve to seek myself on my own. You are a good guy that will be blessed.

Faithfully,

One Night in Beijing

2008-07-14T20:17:00.005+08:00

Indeed, the night was delighting, fascinating. I thought everything would go fast as if I were dreaming. But the time went really slow, and it didn't feel like a dream. I was wholly involved, seeing what was happening. I was on a sit, watching the dazzling lights and the discordant swings, letting myself taken over by the excitement which came so gently. The world spin upside down. Just one second I knew I was going to spend the night in Beijing. I stood up, and then there was nothing in my eyes. I could not see, because my senses were all in busy lines. I smelled, I felt, I kissed. The music went on loud and thus the ticks were not heard. I shouldn't have wished it to be forever because it was what made it so beautiful. Save 'Good night,' it was morning again!

The Longest Night Ever

2008-07-07T18:54:00.002+08:00

I should have had more sleep last night, but that was not what I longed for. Back and forth, for so long I had been thinking; back or forth, the next choice I was making. Losing was what I was afraid of, but no fear I should have had. I was just tired.

Cocktail

2008-06-09T19:59:00.004+08:00

I am not sure if this would be my last time to stand on the stage, but it was good enough to be the last one. The concert was great, but what I cared about more was the people who were there. A part of the people are leaving, which reminds me of my leaving, and the sadness is so hard to hide. I believe next year will be even better on the hands of the boys and girls. If so, my staying is even needless. Good luck to all!

I give my heartfelt thanks to Huan and Ring.

Flush

2008-05-17T01:50:00.009+08:00

I am in a flush. No matter how hard I try to hold my breath in the water, it never changes the fact that I cannot get the air underneath. For so long I have been trying to find a group of people I belong to, or a place I can stay forever, but there is nothing for me, at least not in my eyes. Dazzling, dazzling, the disco ball was, and the person holding the microphone was. I am always eager for such shining lights, which I can hardly get a piece of, and that's why I pursue something else. But, what if nothing belongs to me after all? This idea frightens me, to death.

Music - Goodnight Goodnight

2008-04-14T23:15:00.005+08:00

Hanging out with old friends is always pleasant, and meeting new people is always full of surprises. It has been way too long and there is nothing left. I doubt if I am capable of saying goodbye, but it is certainly late enough to say goodnight.

p.s. There are thirty.

Fireworks

2008-04-12T22:31:00.009+08:00

Yes it is a lie. I always know why I am gloomy, and I can tell you with thousands of words but you will never understand. The trning point before was not a turning of my life but one of my heart. Somehow I let it control the moods in the paradox's box. Sadness emerged when I felt so small off the stage in the crowd. I hate this. It is so pathetic of me to say the words not in my heart. Seeing even kills me more. I would quit if I knew how to do it. Damn it.... Get "the truth"? Of course I refused. I have hurt enough and I won't do such stupid things to cut my heart deeper. Now, what in my eyes is only the darkest sky behind the fireworks.

Innocence

2008-03-22T14:53:00.003+08:00

For a few weeks, or longer, I was completely lost. I thought I should fall as everyone did even though I knew clearly it wasn't me. Now I just woke up after a talk to an unfamiliar friend. He let me know that there are people hanging there and being themselves. It's true that he can't help me with anything, but I know I am not alone when I refuse to become one of them. Yes, I feel disappointed of many, but I can't let me be disappointed of myself.

Tech Jam

2008-03-13T21:34:00.009+08:00

This is a really cool tour, a chance for everyone to learn about the newest technologies popping up these few years. It is exciting to me, however, in another way since I am on the stage this time! In the two events held before, it was very exhausting, and I was supposed to give an impressive presentation which I think I must try even harder to make. And I certainly will, so be sure you are there if you have a chance to attend it!

Music - Misery Business

2008-03-06T18:14:00.005+08:00

It has been a long time since my last music sharing. I have found many extraordinary singers and wonderful songs recently. Paramore is not the most distinctive one, but this song and the video are impressive indeed. I believe you will notice the strong color contrast shown in the video. Everything looks colorful and vivacious. I suppose it is the spirit of the song. It was a pity that I didn't get him where I wanted him, so I got nothing to brag of. Nevertheless, I know for certain that I have something to be proud of, and god it just feels so good.

Misery Business
by Paramore
I'm in the business of misery,
Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.
I waited eight long months,
She finally set him free.
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we had caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,
But I wear the biggest smile.

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving.

Whoa, I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,
Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.

Cause god it just feels so...
It just feels so good.

Movie - Enchanted

2008-02-11T15:26:00.000+08:00

Despite the typical story and the predictable ending, the movie presents beautiful sences and wonderful musics, and brings so much fun to the audience. I post the vedio of one of the best parts of the movie. That's how you know how wonderful the music is in the movie, and so are the lyrics. There is a big question mark, I think.

Pity or Not

2008-02-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

I had a great time in Kaohsiung in the previous three days. I have been eager to go there for so long. The plan had been ruined last summer, but it was fulfilled even better this time because a good friend accompanied me all the time during the tour. The city was unbelievably beautiful at night. Even though I was really happy I finally got the chance to come to the city, the dream-like, brilliant lights kept reminding me the pity that I came here alone. I believe I was really touched by the beauty in some way. Guess this is the best compliment to the city, isn't it?

The Shadow

2008-01-11T15:28:00.000+08:00

I was probably not supposed to hear the words, but I did. Everying I have done will be written in the heavy book. Most people may never know, but some do. There is no need for me to veil anything in my life. I, however, just can't stand the fake smiles and the stupid lies (silent ones). I am pretty well. The shadow is behind me, but I wish it didn't exist. Would you, please, stop your small talk over me and stand in front of me?

Jingle Bells

2007-12-25T19:41:00.000+08:00

Again I was on the stage, but this time I got less excited. It was probably because I started getting used to it, or there was no one making me excited in the audience. It's done anyway. I am happy about this!

Music - No one

2007-12-05T16:21:00.000+08:00

Such a great performance you cannot miss! Her beautiful voice makes her an extraordinary singer and her excellent stage performance makes her a perfect star! I love her!
(Thank rixcky for sending me the link)

No One
by Alicia Keys

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights

I don't worry cause
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I'm telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
Oh oh oh...

Movie - Beowulf

2007-11-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

Although the story is greatly modified and simplified from the original work(so I heard), the movie represents an interesting and easy-understood story. The animation is astonishing, especially of the main characters like Beowulf and Wealhtheow(the queen), but the slight negligence of the minor characters is noticeable. Moreover, the music is also fantastic through the whole movie. It is not a must-seen work, but definitely worth-seeing one if you can appreciate the above.

In Her Boots

2007-11-16T00:41:00.000+08:00

November 3rd and 4th, MSP boot camp. Stream tracing, mountain training, paintball games...we are nuts!

Music - The Great Escape

2007-11-06T17:03:00.000+08:00

I feel stressed every day. Sometimes, when I can hardly stand it, I will lie on the bed desperately and almost cry out. This is when I miss my mother, my brothers, and people I love so well. Although it sounds bad, it is how I realize a short break from life can be so relieving. A supper with friends or a five-minute phone conversation is delighting enough to keep my breath. I escape, so I live on.

The Great Escape
by Boys Like Girls

Paper bags and plastic hearts
All our belongings in shopping carts
It's goodbye...
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and drive around
And make peace with an empty town
We can make it right....

Throw it away, forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn, let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
We'll cry...
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive

Throw it away, forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn, let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

All of the wasted time
The hours that we left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight...

Throw it away, forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway...

Throw it away, forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away, forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway...
Watch it burn, let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight...

Turning Point

2007-10-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

Once again it comes, the thing wanted least but desired most. The word is delighting not for itself but for who is speaking. The happiness wells secretly, and gradually fills the heart full. What will happen then? You tell me....

Music - Drops of Jupiter

2007-10-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

I heard that meteor showers can be spotted these days. I don't have much to wish for (or rather I don't know what I should wish most) but I really want to see it. It must be fantastic. Anyway the shooting stars remind me of this song. They are equally beautiful.
(thank rixcky, who is a lover of this song, for sending it to me.)
(hope you enjoy the song anywhere you are, beepbee.)

Drops of Jupiter
by Train

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, ay, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s a time to change, ay, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, ay, hey, hey
Ay, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded?
And that heaven is overrated?
Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
Mmmm
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey, hey, Yeah
Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol’ Jane told a story about a man
Who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken?
Your best friend always sticking up for you?
Even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?
And head back to the Milky Way?
Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded?
And that heaven is overrated?
And tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?
(Nah nah nah nah nahnah)
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?
(Nah nah nah nah nahnah)
And did you fall from a shooting star?
Fall from a shooting star
(Nah nah nah nah nahnah)
And are you lonely looking for yourself out there...?

Good Night

2007-10-07T02:43:00.001+08:00

You were asleep. You wouldn't know what I was doing, guilty and shameful. I made a mistake. I have made many mistakes recently. I thought none of them would hurt you, and I was right, they hurt everything but you. I can't hurt you.

Now you are asleep, sound and sweet. You've got nothing to worry. I just found a place so safe for us. I am taking you there. The next morning you wake up, you won't see anything changed, but they will be. It is a pledge.

Music - Taking Chances

2007-10-03T01:04:00.000+08:00

I want to give this song to the people I love most, and those who don't understand how to love others and cherish the people who really care about you.
(Thank rixcky for sending me this song.)

Taking Chances
by Celine Dion

Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world but

Don't want to be alone tonight
On this planet they call Earth.

You don't know about my past
And I don't have a future figured out
And maybe this is going too fast
And maybe it's not meant to last

But what do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay
What do you say?
What do you say?

I just want to start again
Maybe you can show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin

What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay
What do you say?
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing but love to pull you up,
When you're lying down on the floor yeah
So talk to me, talk to me
Like lovers do
Yeah walk with me, walk with me
Like lovers do
Like lovers do

What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
And never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay
What do you say?
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life,
And I don't know much about your world.

Music - What I've Done

2007-09-17T23:33:00.000+08:00

You may have watched this video on TV for several times and heard the same music again and again when you are walking on one street to another, but I still want to post this music video here because it ROCKS!!

What I've Done
by Linkin Park

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no Alibi
‘Cause I’ve Drawn Regret
From the truth
Of a Thousand Lies

So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done

I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done

Put to rest
What you Thought of Me
While I clean this Slate
With the Hands of Uncertainty

So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done

I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done

For What I’ve Done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done!!!

I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done

What I’ve Done
Forgiving What I’ve Done

Friends in Life

2007-09-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

Back to the campus, the feeling is much different from the first I have been here. Although I got used to the environment pretty soon last year, the people here were all strangers to me. This time, however, I could catch sight of somebody I know around the corner, or find out there are several friends taking the same course with me when I enter the classroom. Friendship riches my life greatly. To talk with, to play tennis, to share my life with, friends are irreplaceable part in my life. I would like to make more and more new friends in my second year here, but I am not sure if I can make it. My personalty may be okay, but I never find myself fun or interesting. Hope I can do better.

Music - Crush

2007-08-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

If you see this, swimmer, I just want to tell I got a crush on you.

Crush
by Mandy Moore
You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know I should tell you how I feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say,

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

You know I'm the one that you can talk to
sometimes you tell me things that I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to
Nobody knows I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush (hey, hey yeah)(I got a crush on you)
You say everything that no one says
I feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you

I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...
I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

Trip Ruined

2007-08-20T17:21:00.000+08:00

If there had not been a typhoon, if the whether had been fine, if the god had shown some mercy to me, I would had just finished my trip to Tainan and Kaoshiung now. This is my last plan this summer vacation. Now there is nothing left for me, and the vacation will soon come to an end. I loathe my life, my bad luck. If I write down everything have happend to me since my last birthday, which is June second, it will be a story you may see in a exaggerative comic novel. What can I say? C'est la vie!

Music - Before He Cheats

2007-08-07T22:33:00.000+08:00

Cool song! Carrie Underwood has a very beautiful voice for soft country music while she is able to represent this song so well, full of anger and "woman power". It is really impressive. But I don't think I will dare to do such things if someone cheats me. :p

Before He Cheats
by Carrie Underwood

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond trim,
and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing 3 dollars worth of that bathroom Polo...
And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat,
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

I might saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...

Obsessed

2007-08-07T22:14:00.001+08:00

This happens from time to time. I will be totally drawn to specific words, eager, incident, or person. No matter what I am doing, it reminds me of it. This kind of obsession is bad, I would say. It prevents me from concentration. It makes the life become extremely boring when the hunger is not satisfied. Boredom, the most suffering in the world.

Now I am obsessed.

Team Power

2007-08-03T15:55:00.000+08:00

I am so happy that our team Three Little++ won the prize in Curriculum Jam Taipei. Everything turned out to be so good when I thought we might have ruined everything. All of us slept less than 3 hours during the two-day competition. Everyone worked so hard and we couldn't have succeeded if we had lost anyone of us. Though our game was made hurriedly and kind of roughly,we did put our innovation and idea sparks into the game. Our team was so great.
WE made it!

about Curriculum Jam Taipei:
http://wiki.laptop.org/go/Curriculum_Jam_Taipei/lang-zh

competition results (our work is called "plus plus"):
http://wiki.laptop.org/go/Curriculum_Jam_Taipei/Results

Music - Never Too Late

2007-05-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

I love this song! I appreciate the music, the lyrics, and the video. Enjoy and keep in mind that whatever has happened to you, turning things around is never too late.

Never Too Late
by Three Days Grace

This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong who would've guessed it
I will not leave alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Why can't we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
Cause' it's not too late it's never too late

The world will never see this side reflected
And if there's something wrong who would've guessed it
And I am left alone everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Why can't we just try to stay alive
Maybe it'll turn around
Cause' it's not too late it's never too late

The world we knew won't come back
Time we've lost can't get back
Life we have
And won't be us again

This world will never be what I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You wanna end your life
Why can't we try to just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
Because it's not too late it's never too late

Feng, C'est Moi

2007-05-05T11:24:00.001+08:00

One of my teachers told me that a world without the god is meaningless. The will of human being is weak originally, he said, so we devote ourselves to things which we think are significant, such as occupations or family relationship, to make ourselves valuable. You, however, can get fired at any time even for no reason, and people died. You never have a will that is strong enough to overcome the miseries in the life unless you have an ever-lasting belief, and the god is the answer.

I don't think I am so wise to tell if it is true.

The feeling of being small comes to me from time to time, but I never yield myself to it. I know I am here for a reason, no matter what it is. I am going to write and examine my life through the words.

The idea of the name of this blog comes from the saying "Madame Bovary, c'est moi." I believe everything written is a reflection of the writer him/herself.